Yep, ol' Jay baked a cake. I never baked a cake before, so I was really nervous to see how it would all turn out. The box of cake mix had instructions and it all seemed pretty easy but I couldn't help but think, “Do I have what it takes to bake?”
As it turns out, it doesn't take much to bake. No really, baking a cake is pretty easy. I had to improvise a little bit, using 3 medium eggs instead of 2 large eggs, and mixing it all up with a fork instead of using a blender, but shit turned out fine. Unless you're absolutely retarded, you too can bake a cake.
The shittiest part of my baking experience was consulting with Nelson and his pro pastry chef brother Mitch for advice. I asked them for tips and shit because I know they're good at baking but they were total dicks about it. Nelson was all doubled over with laughter when I asked him about when to put the frosting on top of the cake. “Frosting? FROSTING?? Oh my god I have to call Mitch and tell him how stupid you are!!” I didn't realize the word “frosting” was all bad to say and stuff. I mean, that's what it says on the can. Nelson acted like I was a total retard because I don't know the baking jargon that .01% of the world's population uses. Like I give a shit. Dude's all proud of his little baking words.
So then Mitch gets on the phone with me and acts all like “hey I'm a pastry chef, I do this for a living.” And I'm like “hey Mitch, my cake turned out ok but I think I put the frosting on top too soon” and Mitch starts laughing at me like Nelson. “Frosting? Jay, in the biz, we call it...BUTTER crème.” They were both feeling really superior about their stupid words that nobody cares about. Mitch ended up giving me some good advice and I will probably ask him for more tips in my future baking endeavors. But really, I'm kind of turned off from baking now, honestly, because of how Nelson and Mitch were such snobs about it. I probably won't ever bake a cake again.
“WE CALL IT BUTTER CREME!”
God what a couple of douchebags.
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Finally some content on the Dukes page...try not to be so fucking lazy and put more shit up here more often.
ReplyDeleteSeriously...that would be great...shit It'll be like the frosting on the cake.
I'm serious when I say that I think that both you and Matt are at your best (writing wise) when you are viciously attacking one another. Thank you for adding a little bit of happy to my otherwise miserable existence.
ReplyDeleteI don't believe I was a snob, I thought I gave you some excellent advice, If you never bake again it will be your loss. Nelson is right if you do get to put more content here it would be the butter cream on the GENOISE!!
ReplyDeleteOh Jay, you are correct in some of your word styling, however Nels and I were not the A-holes that you described. If you are interested I am willing to give you my best demonstration of the 5 basic styles of buttercream. Italian, French, German, American, and Neoclassic or Betty Crocker. All have their place in the cake decorating industry I will explain how they are different.
ReplyDelete